Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours...

The thing that I've struggled with the most this summer has been where I live. Now don't go thinking that this has anything to do with my living conditions or my host family... because that is completely untrue! I couldn't ask for better!

The real struggle I face is the driving. Almost everyday I drive past these extravagent, massive and unnecessary houses with BMW, Lexus, and Mercedes cars parked in the driveways. Yet my destination is quite the opposite. Now the people in these houses probably don't even consider themselves welloff (which I have heard directly from some of them), but to the kids I work with... the only word they have for these people is "rich."

It just doesn't feel right to be living in this nice safe area, while it's dangerous sometimes for my kids to even be out by themselves in the day time. It's completely crazy! When people ask me how I can work in these areas I wonder sometimes why they even ask. What right do I have to put my life as more valuable than these kids? If they go to school, hangout, live, and sleep in these places, what right do I have to think that I am above going to where they are?

This is something I wrote in my journal in the fall after an amazing day with my kids... and the night that God clearly showed me the gift of passion that He has given me for these kids.

How do you walk away knowing that you might or probably are leaving a child in pain? That's how I feel most of the time when I drop off my kids or say goodbye to them again. There's no guarantees that I'll see them again. No guarantees that harm won't come to them. Violence is so present and happening right where they play, yet there's nothing I can do.

All they long for is love... and that's all I have to offer. But even my own love is not enough. God's love is the only thing that can keep these kids from being empty. Why do I wish that I could offer them more? A life that had guarantees of success, a future, and someone who cares. I feel like some days the only love they receive or listening ear they have is me talking to them on FB or MSN. How pathetic is that? And what happens when I don't have the time... or don't take the time? It just seems so unjust!!

The simplest things mean so much to them. Just sharing the story of Christ's birth was such a gift today.... yet how many days do I take knowing it for granted? They just soak it up! Anything and everything you give them they take. God has given me such a gift in knowing them and calling them my friends, my little brothers and sisters, and my kids. I would give up so much for them. I feel like they are my own. Yet, everytime I am forced again to say goodbye...

My heart breaks so much for these kids... and yet God's heart breaks even more! Please pray for these kids today. Most of you don't know their names, their stories, or even what they look like... but God knows them so completely inside and out.
Pray especially for the LiT girls tomorrow as we begin to look at Psalm 139 over the next few weeks... and how God knows them inside and out and has a special purpose and plan for their lives.

♥ Ash

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Psalm 62

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 62:5-6

I've come back to this psalm so many times over the past year as I've struggled to find rest in the midst of chaos and few days of true rest. There's been many things I've discovered over that time period about grace, God's strength and most importantly where my rest is found. No matter how many days off that I have or hours of sleep... the real rest that I need in order to not be burnt out at the end of this summer is found only in the presence of God.

So as I take a few days of rest this weekend and am able to escape work, ministry and the hustle and bustle of the city, all I really want is to escape into the arms of God. God's strength and grace is the only reason I could come back this summer... it's the only reason that I am able to be a part of these kids lives... and it's the only reason that I am alive.

And I will be forever thankful that whatever happens in my life, whether this summer or in the months and years ahead, in God's arms I will not be shaken!

♥ Ash

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Theology & Inner-City Kids... Two Things Not Usually Found in the Same Sentence

Wow... my mind is going ballistic!! Thank you for everyone who prayed for the LiT small group. I just got home and I am seriously bursting with just how God used those prayers.

To understand an LiT small group... you basically have to take away any formal structure of a Bible study that you have in your mind. At LiT we make our own rules... and we go with the flow! Interruptions happen every 30 seconds, so you have to be ready for the unexpected. We still look at the Bible and I still teach, but I teach by facilitation, which means discussion questions that we talk about as a group. My job is just to keep them on topic (NOT AN EASY TASK!) These girls have their own agenda and things that they want to learn. We can be talking about something and a question will come from left field that has absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about. And they're not silly questions either! They are deep theological questions about the end times, what happens after we die, hell, heaven, the trinity and the list goes on! And those are just the things they wanted to know about tonight!!

One question really got to me though. "Why do the LiT leaders teach in a way that I can understand, but then I go to church and try to listen and can't even follow what the pastor is saying no matter how hard I try?" This is still breaking my heart.

The obvious answer is because at LiT we are teaching aimed at the girls and where they are at and in the church they're not. But as the body of Christ are we not suppose to be aiming our teaching at the church?!?! Why are children always left out? Sure we have programs for them to go to... but why aren't we teaching in a way that they can't understand? Are they not a part of the body of Christ as much as the adults? There is so much "Christianese" and ridiculous words that almost no one can define that a Bible college student like me can barely understand it sometimes... let alone a 13 or 14 year old from the inner-city. Just something to think about. I could probably rant for hours, but I'll let you think about it on your own.

These girls are ready to dig deep and we all need you because you're our prayer team! Please pray for me, Steph & Patience as we prayerfully try to answer all their questions and understand the Bible in a way that we are able to articulate what they want to know so they can understand. After an hour and a half tonight, these girls did not want to stop! God has put such a strong desire in their hearts to learn and He has put a passion in our lives to reach out and build relationships with them. Please pray that God would also show me, Steph and Patience how we can continue to be a part of their lives once the summer is over.

♥ Ash

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Technology = Frustrating!!

So our commenting does work... though some of you are still having trouble with it. To comment on a blog post: click on the "comments" link under the blog title... write your comment... click publish... it is going to ask you to verify by typing a word... to move this box down to be able to type the word you'll need to push tab key (the key is located directly above the Caps Lock key). Then verify and you should be good to go!!!!

If you're still having trouble... Let me know!

♥ Ash

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1+1=???

We've all heard the math teacher say, "You'll need to know this at some point in your life!" But who ever believed them??? Seriously??? Well considering that this intern had no plans of pursuing anything math or science related, I definitely laughed every time I heard this ridiculous statement.

Well it's come back to haunt me. Who knew that you would need to remember things from Grade 8 math class when working in children's ministry. Some of you might be scratching your heads by now... so I'll drag this out longer!


Math was definitely my weakest subject in school. I wasn't terrible at it... but I also wasn't so crazy about it either. I could take it or leave it. Actually I would just leave it. I didn't even have the attention span or long-term memory capacity to help my younger siblings sometimes.

So imagine my surprise when today I found myself driving to tutor someone for Grade 8 math! Ok! Ok! I did have a few days notice... but still, the shock hadn't quite worn off yet. I was so worried that I would have forgotten everything that I had been taught and practiced, so I prayed all the way there that God would bring the things back to my memory so that I could help her understand and apply the math in a way that she would remember.

One look at the sheet and equations that I haven't seen in YEARS seemed as familiar as yesterday! Praise God! Now we just have to wait and see what the tests and report cards bring. :)

Please pray for me as I continue to tutor this young lady for math every Wednesday afternoon.

♥ Ash

P.S. It's funny how the only reason I need to know math is for another math teacher... some things never change!!!!

FUN MATH UPDATE!
KM Count = approx. 1100km travelled so far this summer
39 days until Summer Training Institute!
75 days until Leaders in Training (LiT) & Jr. Camp!
81 days until Sr. Camp!
94 more days of work!
And only 102 days until I move back to Heritage to start my 3rd year of my undergrad!!!!

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A Piece of Something Bigger...

Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture. It's so easy to get caught up in the little details of day to day ministry and not see the big picture of what God is doing in the lives of the people around us.

That was the wake up call I got this weekend. All I could do was sit there with tears streaming down my face as a friend of mine who grew up in the urban ministry of CEF told her story. I've heard most of it before having served alongside her at camp, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time again. All of her struggles, the things she has seen... and then the incredible impact of Camp Good News and her decision to follow Christ. It's been almost 10 years since that decision to put her trust in Jesus Christ and through those times she has had such little support from home... until this past week when her mom accepted Christ!

It was really neat because God had really put her on my heart last week and I ended up inviting her out with one of my LiTs to hangout for the evening. For one so young she has such a deep faith and trust in God. It's amazing to see and I am always thanking God for her life and how it just shines Christ in everything. And that shining showed her mom for ten years just how awesome God is to the point that she couldn't deny Him anymore.

This ministry is NOT babysitting kids and giving them a good time, with a little Bible teaching on the side. This IS leading kids to the throne of God and allowing them to make a decision to follow Him and then challenging them to make a difference in this world for God. A difference in their communities... a difference in their schools... and a difference in their homes. And that's exactly what happening!!! God's picture is so much bigger than ours... to Him be the glory!!!

"Something bigger, something greater...For the glory of Your splendor"

♥Ash


CYIA Prep Weekend 2010

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A Passion For Your Name...

Week 2 is almost complete... craziness to think it hasn't even been two weeks yet!! So not a lot has really happened... just getting into the paperwork and planning for summer. :)

Last weekend we had our CYIA prep weekend... where we got to hang out with some super cool people and start preparing for summer. It was really awesome to see the passion that God has placed on these youth to do ministry with us this summer. They wanted STI (summer training institute) to start right then... but unfortunately we still have another 44 days to go! It will go by fast I'm sure... but they are so ready to start right now and that was really neat to see.

This weekend is going to be a busy one of travelling for me... tonight I'm going out with a few of my LiT girls to celebrate one of their birthdays at Vaughan Mills shopping mall. If you've never been to Vaughan Mills... you would probably be overwhelmed by it's size... it honestly has everything... except for Wal-mart...lol

Then tomorrow is Slingshot Saturday!!! If you don't know what that means... here's a brief crash course. Slingshot Saturday is a once a month program for urban kids... the majority coming from our innercity clubs and Camp Good News. We hang out, play some games, hear from God's Word, have some pizza, and just build relationships with the kids. We have over 20 kids coming this week and arranging rides was a bit tricky. What a blessing to actually struggle to find rides because sooooo many kids want to come! Please pray for this ministry... as we often have trouble with having enough volunteers, especially for transporting the kids to and from Slingshot.

After Slingshot I'll be heading to Heritage (my school in Cambridge) for the weekend to see some friends and go to an RA reunion that our former Rez directors are holding.

Some Prayer Requests!
- safety in travel
- wisdom in preparing for LiT and Camp Good News
- the start of an LiT small group which is scheduled to start next week!
- the kids from our urban programs and that they would really feel God's presence in their lives this week

Praise Report!
- I have my parents' new truck for the summer = less chance of car troubles
- the growth we've been seeing in the LiT program
- the CYIAs passion to be in the field this summer... and the number of youth that want to serve with us this summer (about 40ish now!)

Hopefully I'll have some pictures up this weekend!

♥ Ash

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You can comment now!

For all of you who have been waiting to be able to comment... you now CAN!!!! Just click comments under the title of each post to be able to comment.

Peace out! From the Brantford office! :)

♥ Ash

P.S. you may have to press TAB to scroll down the comment box after you hit publish in order to get to the place where you acan verify that you are a "real" person! :)

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So This Is... Ummm... A Video Blog: Take 2

So here's the video blog from a few days ago...

Video Blog 1: Dorm

♥ Ash

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And She'll Have Fun! Fun! Fun! Until Her Parents Take The Ranger Away...

Ok... it's not that dramatic! But today gave me quite a bit of deja-vu from last summer. If you followed me last summer you might remember the troubles my little Ford Ranger gave me. This 2002 Ranger Edge has about 541,000km and counting on it... and I can't wait to put thousands more on it this summer! ;)

So anyways... back to the story! This morning I was driving and all of a sudden there is a huge squealing noise coming from the passenger side. After much investigation and my parents help... we concluded that there was a rock wedged somewhere in the brake system... AGAIN!!!!! This happened to me last summer as well. Luckily we knew what to do this time and after driving it on the highway for several minutes, the rock decided that it would rather be free than stuck in my car.

So with that dramatic event over, I went with my mom to do some errands... only to come out of the store into the parking lot and find a puddle under my truck. I guessed rad fluid. My dad checked it out and sure enough. This also happened last summer too!! Luckily, the truck was already scheduled to be serviced tomorrow.

Please pray for safety this summer as I travel. Especially with this repeat of events... that means the next event should be a huge plastic bag wrapped around my muffler! hahahahahaha. Pray for safety for the rest of our team also as we travel to many different parts of the province this summer!

♥ Ash

1 day down... 110 to go!

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Life is Full of Changes

Life is always full of changes. The changes to the layout of this webpage are going to surprise Liz the next time she logs on. The main reasons for the change this time are: #1 this was a super cool layout and #2 the commenting now works on posts!! Ok...maybe the real reason was just the second one... but the beautiful flowers were a plus :)

So tomorrow we start. I get to work from home. Liz gets to go to a super-fun, exciting, amazing staff meeting. You can decide who got the better end of that deal. Months of prayer and preparation have brought us to this moment and we're excited that you have decided to partner with us.

We know that God is going to work in amazing ways this summer. Whether that is personally breaking us to become who He wants us to be in His plan or bringing kids closer to Him, He will be glorified. And that makes us excited!

The following is a song that I've been listening to non-stop in my car, in my dorm room, and in my head. It's called Something Big by John Waller.

I wanna see something I've not seen
Something so big
I wanna be a part of something great
Greater than me

It's time to dream big dreams
To see Your vision
Become reality
‘Cause it’s for You, by You, those who
Love You wanna do

Something so big
It’s destined to fail without You, Lord
It’s gonna fail without You, Lord
Something so great
It takes a miracle to do
We, Your children
Wanna do something big for You

We, yes, we are gonna sing a brand new song
Something so strong
We will be the sound that wakes the dawn
Something so loud

It’s time for breaking through
‘Cause there are no limits
For he who holds the truth
When it’s for You, and by You, and those who
Love You wanna do

Something bigger, something greater
For the glory of Your splendor
Something bigger, something greater
Tell the story of Your wondrous love
Your wondrous love
Those who love You wanna do

As long as we live, let us do something so big for You

That's what we want to do. Something big that only God can do for His glory. That is our prayer for this summer.

♥ Ash

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