Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours...

The thing that I've struggled with the most this summer has been where I live. Now don't go thinking that this has anything to do with my living conditions or my host family... because that is completely untrue! I couldn't ask for better!

The real struggle I face is the driving. Almost everyday I drive past these extravagent, massive and unnecessary houses with BMW, Lexus, and Mercedes cars parked in the driveways. Yet my destination is quite the opposite. Now the people in these houses probably don't even consider themselves welloff (which I have heard directly from some of them), but to the kids I work with... the only word they have for these people is "rich."

It just doesn't feel right to be living in this nice safe area, while it's dangerous sometimes for my kids to even be out by themselves in the day time. It's completely crazy! When people ask me how I can work in these areas I wonder sometimes why they even ask. What right do I have to put my life as more valuable than these kids? If they go to school, hangout, live, and sleep in these places, what right do I have to think that I am above going to where they are?

This is something I wrote in my journal in the fall after an amazing day with my kids... and the night that God clearly showed me the gift of passion that He has given me for these kids.

How do you walk away knowing that you might or probably are leaving a child in pain? That's how I feel most of the time when I drop off my kids or say goodbye to them again. There's no guarantees that I'll see them again. No guarantees that harm won't come to them. Violence is so present and happening right where they play, yet there's nothing I can do.

All they long for is love... and that's all I have to offer. But even my own love is not enough. God's love is the only thing that can keep these kids from being empty. Why do I wish that I could offer them more? A life that had guarantees of success, a future, and someone who cares. I feel like some days the only love they receive or listening ear they have is me talking to them on FB or MSN. How pathetic is that? And what happens when I don't have the time... or don't take the time? It just seems so unjust!!

The simplest things mean so much to them. Just sharing the story of Christ's birth was such a gift today.... yet how many days do I take knowing it for granted? They just soak it up! Anything and everything you give them they take. God has given me such a gift in knowing them and calling them my friends, my little brothers and sisters, and my kids. I would give up so much for them. I feel like they are my own. Yet, everytime I am forced again to say goodbye...

My heart breaks so much for these kids... and yet God's heart breaks even more! Please pray for these kids today. Most of you don't know their names, their stories, or even what they look like... but God knows them so completely inside and out.
Pray especially for the LiT girls tomorrow as we begin to look at Psalm 139 over the next few weeks... and how God knows them inside and out and has a special purpose and plan for their lives.

♥ Ash